He’s so so so just not into me

Seeing as I recently managed to split my forehead open and am sporting a way hot bandage until my custom helmet comes in and/or I get around to scheduling a revamp of my bangs with my stylist, I clearly haven’t logged into my Match account. Alas I do receive suitors via gmail. Example below. Why ever has he not written back? Baffling.

From: SUITOR
To: DATING DEVIANT
Date received: September 10, 2008
Subject:

Hi. I was at the beginning of a vacation when your wink came through. (I don’t recommend browsing through this site on a phone via a slow South American connection… the “reply back” button is very close to the “seek restraining order” button and it’s a little too easy to make a mistake. I solved this by giving up until I got back to the U.S.) Since it’s been a while, I’m just sending a quick hello to see if you’re still on the site.

So you always choose the wrong direction and have an I-win complex? That could lead to some unexpectedly long road trips.

From: DATING DEVIANT
To: SUITOR
Date sent: September 10, 2008
Subject:

Hey there,

I am taking a break from match, as I took a digger on third ave last week and got 60+ stitches of awesome on my forehead (I wanted an exact number for the story, alas the doctor lost count).

I am considering wearing a helmet when leaving the house from now on, and am looking into the possibilities of installing a GPS system within it. That should solve the direction sitch. As for my I-win complex, I am testing out the full-blown drama of my stitches story at the bar this weekend in a trial run, but I so bet that no one can top my glorious tale (in case it is not implied, I am not much interested in winning anything of relevancy, such as an Olympic gold medal, but I get super pumped along the lines of things like telling the best bar story and consuming my beer the quickest). Also probably noteworthy, I took my tumble sober.