In an attempt at productivity I decided to make the most of today’s hangover by embracing my quarter-life crisis with a vengeance and Googling immigration law and visa options that consist mainly of inconsistent acronyms. Eventually I tired of this and decided to log into Match, as I always do take pleasure in changing up at least two of the adjectives in the “About Me” section on a regular basis to “mix it up.” In response to my activity, suitor sent a follow up. Men do indeed dig a disaster!
Correspondence below:
From: SUITOR
To: DATING DEVIANT
Date received: September 14, 2008
Subject:
Wow. I’m always sorry to hear about head trauma, but it’s almost inspiring how little it seems to have affected your verbal abilities. (Almost.) And if your helmet does have space for the GPS unit, I guess that’s a silver lining.
Would your stitches keep you from getting a drink sometime this week?
-[SUITOR NAME]
From: DATING DEVIANT
To: SUITOR
Date sent: September 14, 2008
Subject:
[SUITOR NAME] is helpful, but not quite helpful enough in terms of Google.
Stitches are so last week. You know you can’t leave them in, in excess
of five days to attain aesthetic success? I learn something new every
day. Lucky for you, me and anyone else I ensnare in email chain fun,
my damage was in my frontal lobe whereas my ability to verbalize in
grades of awesome is located somewhere closer to the left.
I am still on my dating sabatical for another week or two. This is
down from my initial assessment of 6 months to one year, but I can be
dramatic. Not so much due to my impressive head injury or even apathy,
so much as I am not allowed to gym it for a few weeks still, yet
despite (or perhaps in spite of this) I still managed to find myself
sitting in the diner at 4:30 AM this morning ordering the Monte
Cristo. On fried challah bread. With fries. With a side of mayonnaise.
Oh and I totally ate the whole thing.
Perhaps drinks in a couple weeks. It may just be worth your while. If
you are a true head injury contender you’ll be pumped to hear I scored
pre-stitch photos off the doctor a few days ago. They come everywhere.
I’m about two steps from upgrading the discharge papers I have them
enclosed in to a plastic case with a calligraphy label.
